I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
