just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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