HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
