Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize