I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
