Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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