As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Randomize
