You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
