Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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