He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
