Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
