whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
