couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
