he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
