No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
