bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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