Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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