SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize