I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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