just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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