Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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