my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
