Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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