Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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