the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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