He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize