Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
