No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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