i already hear my dad disowning me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
