My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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