either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
