Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
