Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
