Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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