I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
