omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
