Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
