i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
