Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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