I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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