I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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