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my phone needs a breathalizer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
