I want to make a zoo with you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize