i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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