I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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