so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
