Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
