SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
