how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
