I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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