Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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