how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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