Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
