They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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