My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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