I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
