my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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