I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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