Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Houston, we have a squirter
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
