I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
