And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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