My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
do herpes really smell.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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