Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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