Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
