I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
