In the future we'll all be gay
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
