I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
