At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my being single is dangerous.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
