If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
